At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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