We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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