4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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