a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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