Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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