So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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