Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Couch. On fire.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
