The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
