Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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