I think my vagina is haunted
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
