Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
