I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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