i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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