he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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