low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
