i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
