i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize