i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
