what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
