did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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