the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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