Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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