look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
