You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
