You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
