I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
