the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
