She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
