I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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