Where did you get a picture of my penis
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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