I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
