my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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