One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
