did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
