is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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