she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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