I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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