You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
