I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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