Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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