Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
