I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
