she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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