I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
