Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
