i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
