Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
