I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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