She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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