Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
