The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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