Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
