you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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