Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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