There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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