Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
