I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
smell my finger.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
