Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
