YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
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