ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
