New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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