I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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