shes about as inviting as chlamydia
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
