I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
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Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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