used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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