I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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