is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
